Being selfish means having a lack of concern for people and their needs and concerns and choosing to put your personal pleasure and profit above all else. Being self-serving means choosing to put your personal welfare and interests first. Pleasure and profit vs welfare and interests; inconsiderate gratification and greed v.s. well-being and regards.
Being self-serving is about taking action in ways to provide ourselves safety and comfort. It means honoring our intuition, advocating for ourselves, asserting our needs, and standing in our worth. It means protecting our peace and maximizing our resources to enhance our peace. Being self-serving allows people to conduct themselves, behave, and communicate from a place of genuine authenticity, confidence, mindfulness, and self-awareness without guilt or shame.
And in terms of conducting ourselves from a place of genuine authenticity — this is vital because if we don’t show up authentically, then we give people a false representation of who we are: what our values are, what our beliefs are, what matters to us and what doesn’t, what our boundaries are, etc. People will have a warped sense of our identity and that won’t serve them or us well because our relationships with them will be based on a foundation of inauthenticity. Others won’t know exactly who we are or how to treat us in the ways we want to be treated because we have chosen to behave in ways that only serve them, cater to their convenience, and keep us small. And we do this because all too often, we’re worried about being rejected. The truth: in order to have authentic and fulfilling relationships, we must show up as our authentic selves.
In turn, when we behave inauthentically with others, we are also behaving inauthentically with ourselves. When we do that, we then develop a warped identity within ourselves. For example, if we don’t assert our needs to others and then receive positive reinforcement for not asserting those needs, then it’s very possible we will develop a sense of self that says:
“I used to care about this thing, this thing used to bother me… but because I never talk about it or bring it up, it keeps the peace and people are happy about it. So because this is pleasing others, it must be working for me… So I suppose I don’t care about that thing anymore either, I guess I’m not not bothered by that thing anymore…”
And then you start to train your brain in ways that aren’t authentic or innate to how we genuinely feel. And then that’s going to build resistance within ourselves, maintaining a constant, internal battle, which will transfer into our external, interpersonal relationships.
Thinking and believing that we do exist for the comfort and convenience of others causes imposter syndrome!
With that said:
You do not exist for the comfort and convenience of others.
And when we continuously choose to appeal to the expectations, emotional regulations, needs, and desires of others over our own, we choose to live under the dogma of: “I exist for the comfort and convenience of others.”
The bottom line, honor and respect yourself by putting your personal welfare and interest first. Our welfare is our health, well-being, and quality of life. Our interests are our passions, joys, missions, movements, desires, and dreams.
Remember, we must rely on ourselves to create the world we want to live in. And if we want to live in a world where each person is respected and honored, then we must first respect and honor ourselves.
Ready to stop existing for the comfort and convenience of others? Take the leap by enrolling in my new course called Becoming a Highly Sensitive Radical, tailored for HSPs & Trauma Survivors who are ready to harness their sensitive superpowers and begin advocating for themselves and others.