How relatable is this teaching from Queen B?
Do you feel this? Because MY GOODNESS this is REAL.
It's real that we experience this on both the giving and receiving end of confrontation and accountability.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Because Brené has given us clear context to the reason behind our avoidance to self-advocate, defend ourselves, assert our voices, and speak our truth, thoughts, and feelings: we want to avoid pain. And we'll take regressive measures to avoid present pain, only to increase the pain of tomorrow.
We cause pain by abandoning ourselves.
We ignore our pain while suffering in silence.
We abuse our power of agency by staying in the self-induced paralysis that is familiarity.
We cause ourselves chronic pain when we don't self-advocate.
We pain ourselves when we:
- don't trust our instincts
- ignoring and not honoring our needs
- hide parts of ourselves
- cling to perfectionism
- suppress our feelings
- do not act according to our values, aka our integrity
- do not speak up for ourselves
- staying in codependent relationships
And I know why we tend to not self-advocate – because of what Brené said about accountability:
"We all know the experience of self-advocating by holding someone who hurt us accountable, and they respond by causing you more hurt by rationalizing, blaming, and/or shutting down."
Because here's another truth:
We can't force people to accept accountability or apologize but you know what works to break the counterproductive cycles of people rationalizing, blaming, and/or shutting down when held accountable? SELF-ADVOCATING CONSISTENTLY.
Because the more we self-advocate, the more comfortable we become with doing it.
And the more we self-advocate, the more we strengthen our ability to empathize.
And the stronger our empathy, the less likely we are to hurt each other by refusing accountability.
This serves everyone!
As survivors and HSPs, taking action to learn and build the conviction to self-advocate with clarity, assurance, and consistency is a journey.
Come on the journey of learning, growing, and honing the skills you already possess to radically advocate for yourself through my course, Becoming a Highly Sensitive Radical.
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